Category Archives: Doing life

September 9th musing

Today I remember Mom…

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I love the look of expectation on her face in this photo.

I met a distant relative and her first in person words to me were, “You look just like your mother!”   And my thought was, “You had not seen her in decades!”

I remember “The Day” in my early teen years when Mom came home from the hairdresser – A Blond!  I don’t think I knew anyone whose mom had done such a thing; I was a bit scandalized.

But for Mom, it was a perfect fit with her blue/green eyes and golden skin. She was never going to be grey or white and was always a bit dismayed that I chose that route. I had not the eye color nor the skin tone of a golden girl.

While she was known to take one aside and give a bit of unwanted advice, I don’t think anyone doubted her good intentions. She wanted only the best for her family and gave her best whether she made a favorite dish for a holiday meal, sent a special card, gave a word of encouragement, spent hours on a hand-crocheted afghan, prom dress or even a wedding gown

If you were excited about something, she wanted to be in on the fun. She loved life.

Happy Birthday, Mom, you’re never forgotten.

 

 

Remember me…

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This afternoon we went to pay respect to the life of an older friend. In these last years that I have known her, her conversation would always flow to family and festivities and the cakes she would be baking. The list of cakes would sometimes include a 1,2,3,4 Cake and always a Hot Milk Sponge Cake, both of which would make me yearn for my mom’s cakes. So we would talk cake and Brownies – actually, she would do the talking, I rarely bake and no one is going to give my cakes rave reviews – just saying. I never had an opportunity to sample her baking but I always had a sampling of her heart in the joy and love radiating from her as she anticipated the occasion.

So I talked about cake today and watched eyes fill with memories and tears and heard again of the Hot Milk Cakes. I also listen for stories and today I heard, “She was very old school and wrote letters and cards for everyone. No one does that these days.”

When it was time to leave I noticed an amazing assortment of beautiful hanging baskets of flowers. In an unusual and gracious gesture, her sons had purchased these for their visitors to take home, to remember.

So, in remembering LaRue, I share my flowers and I write to you.

Peaceful dreams to you this night.

Summer on the road

I was 17 and spent my summer earning the money for driving lessons and insurance. The family car had a standard transmission and Dad seemed in no mood to teach me to drive it. I was told there were plans for a newer car so I took my lessons – three. The instructor took me to the Dept. of MV for testing. Amazing myself, I passed both tests and went home with a license in hand. Then I waited, and the newer car came and I still waited, now worried that I had forgotten everything.

Labor Day weekend we had plans to go to the Grandparents for a cookout. I had hoped to drive, but I wasn’t offered the wheel.

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The last car Dad had to himself!

We were about half way when Dad pulled to the side of the road and told me to get behind the wheel. Heart pounding terror came as the reality of being responsible for my family set in. But, I was 17 and I had a license to drive, so I did. Slowly, then up to speed, things were going well and then the first turn – right. With the power steering, I suppose I could have made a neat and tidy 360 – except for the hedge. It really slowed me down and we came to a  stop in the middle of someone’s yard.

Dad got out and talked with the homeowner and asked to call a tow truck. An inspection on the lift showed no damage done to the car. I thought the damage to my driving career was total. I don’t remember anyone saying much during all that time. Dad was usually spare with his words.

When the garage man was paid, I walked to a back door and then Dad spoke, “Get back behind the wheel.” And I did.

It seemed like many years went by before nature repaired that hedge! The gaps reminded me not only of the foolishness of overconfidence but the kindness and restraint of my Dad in actually teaching me a life lesson – there are times when one must “Get back behind the wheel.”

Recently I had a difficult situation which seemed to cause me to crash against an invisible hedge, the jolt was hard and it left me wondering what to do, how to proceed and that’s when I seemed to hear Dad again, “Get back behind the wheel.”

Maybe you feel like you’ve crashed somewhere and you’re looking at some mess you’ve made. Maybe it’s time now to take a deep breath, get back behind the wheel of life and go on again to your destiny. Please do. Or perhaps you know someone in this situation who could use your kindness and encouragement to go on again.  Please give it.

 

The best of summer in "Bawlamer"

When the weather is steamy hot, as it has been, the best Sunday afternoon is spent with good friends in Baltimore or “Bawlamer” – a kind of southern slur through the letters. And while Maryland is south of the Mason-Dixon line we don’t really need or even want super sweet tea, just plenty of ice!

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Add newspaper, knives and mallets and we’re done with the formal table setting.

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Crabs. Blue crabs turned rusty red by steam and crusted with seasonings accompanied by steamed corn on the cob, tomato- cucumber salad and homemade cheesecake with fresh blueberry sauce, the best of summer eating!

We stayed long at the table of friendship!

Garden Memory

In my earliest memory I am in the backyard of my family’s first home. Clutching a doll or softie, I am crouched low watching a tiny rivulet running through the grass exposing earth and pebbles. I am quite content, alone in my wonder.

I shared this memory with my older sister a while back musing over the tall trees that enclosed this private world. There was a long quiet. Finally she said, “We didn’t have big trees but you were so small I guess they would seem tall to you.”

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The truth doesn’t change my memory and the photo verifies that trees and shrubs could have seemed quite tall to me. I’m glad for that place and time where the earth came with child-sized river and pebbles, grass and trees captured my soul with wonder.

There were many gardens in my childhood memories. My city Grandparents raised beds of flowers and grape arbor invited games of balance on the curbing.

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My Uncle’ country property was carpeted in early summer with dandelions to be picked for Grandmother’s wine making. I remember in late summer the hum of bees and the scent of ripe apples and pears waiting to be gathered and preserved.

After we moved, the next door neighbor’s garden behind the aged picket fence intrigued me with its terraced hill, willow tree and fish pond.

My memories of our first home are few but I would often hear my Mother refer back to that yard in a kind of wonder – “You could grow anything there.” Usually this was followed by a litany of flowers and victory garden offerings that where in great contrast to the yard around us where constant coaxing and composting produced only modest years in the clay that surrounded the house.

I had no complaints for there are wonderful memories of play there. The overhanging roof along the dining room dripped a channel in the grass and a bridge from an old aquarium crossed its pebbled banks and dollhouse people ventured there on outings. And there was an odd space on the top of our un-terraced hill that my brother cleared for a sandbox. One could feel hidden, so far above the world there! I also remember sheet and blanket tents hung from clothesline and a bridal wreath bush that became a flowery haven providing crowns for the princesses in the short bloom season.

Then all too soon we were too big for such play and retreated to the front porch with games and books to wile away the summer days. But magic still happened and I remember the year the mimosa tree had grown to be seen from my bedroom window. When I woke, the delicate pink puffs seemed to be a floating cloud accompanied by bird song.

The gardening activities of those times involved picking flowers, gathering mint for summer tea, scattering 4 o’clock seeds (where they were not wanted – but they were so easy to gather!), dispatching Japanese beetles and picking an occasional weed. These were hardly activities to prepare me for tending a garden but truly those which blessed my soul and laid the foundation for a life of enjoyment in gardens.

 

Spring Cleaning

Cleaning e-files, I found a devotional piece I wrote several years ago; just on the day I needed it!

The flowers appear on the earth; the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land    Song of Solomon 2:12 NKJV

The rising temperatures of spring bring bird song and light, changing the view to fresh green and bright color. Spring is a gift that lightens the spirit, lights the days and stirs us to brighten the world around us.

When I was very young, there was a great flurry of activity each spring. Windows were thrown open, rooms aired and cleaned. Draperies were changed, walls were washed and sometimes freshly painted, carpets were changed out and floors had the wax renewed. Everyone was energized, everything seemed light and fresh. Then finally the freshening of wardrobes with things outgrown discarded.

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Housekeeping customs have changed in many ways and I am grateful! But there is still that inner stirring, a nesting instinct, to clean, clean out, throw open the windows and to make things fresh: in home, garden and wardrobe.

But while working on home and garden, I think about the need for an interior cleaning of a different kind. I find some dusty, actually rather grim and dirty attitudes lurking in corners of my soul; petty things that had loomed so large in the shadowy light of winter gloom. Now seen in the light, I find no use for them. It is time to really lighten up, cast off negative attitudes and sing a new song.

And I find myself praying – Lord, shine the light of Your Word into every corner of my soul. Help me to let go of old ideas and weed out grimy thoughts. Please do the necessary repairs on my weariness that I might have freshness. Blow through my attitudes changing and renewing my mind. Let me hear the singing birds and please, clean even my glasses that I might see beauty in the more colorful folks around me. Amen!

Some things don’t change and spring cleaning is still needed in me as well as around me. I’ll be pretty busy this spring!

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The detour

The last time we went to the park, I asked for a detour on the way home. It would not take long to visit the past, I thought. So we drove down a country road where nothing looked familiar but the railroad tracks that ran alongside. The end of the road and a sharp turn left and instead of waterside cottages of the past, modern three story floodplain compliant homes confused us as we drove slowly down streets with only familiar names. Finally we saw it.

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The tiny house with the separate summer kitchen shadowed by trees I hardly remember.

I remember countless hours splashing about in the river on summer days, long bamboo fishing poles, crabbing from a boat, blankets spread for reading in shade, chatting with cousins and aunts and uncles and the smoke of grilling burgers and hotdogs. There was freedom to run into the cool of the summer kitchen in wet bathing suits dripping on the concrete floor. Adults chatted late in the night while we chased fireflies and then dragged reluctant feet for the long ride home.

We grew up and brought our own young ones to play and enjoy the river. I could see and hear it all in the few minutes I leaned over the fence and breathed the air and captured this scene. The power of memory!

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Like my Grandfather, we can hope to build a space in time for future generations to dream and create memories of laughter and family. It doesn’t have to be a cottage on a river; so many more memories came from simple city rowhouses and suburban back yards and porches. The important thing is to make time and space for those we love, isn’t it?

Anniversaries are for remembering goodness

“Who is my neighbor?” someone once asked. Twenty years ago several people stepped up to be good neighbors to us. The first, unknown to us, took time early on a busy day to be neighbor as he went to a nearby house and reported a fire. And those neighbors, stalwart farm folk, called for help. Good neighbors from our volunteer fire company came and put out the fire.

Our farm neighbors stood by caring, emptied a freezer and carried away the food for safe keeping and then did the really hard thing to gently, kindly, call us home from vacation. In the months that followed, we counted on their support and presence.

The stuff of life and the fun of shared birthdays knit neighbors into friends.

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Time passes and seasons change and a For Sale sign hangs across the road at the old farm. I miss my neighbors. I hope you have good neighbors and treasure them.

A legacy received

I was searching among some little used jewelry and found a pair of earrings that needed repair. Silver and shell transport me back in time and I remember Margaret’s curly red hair, ready smile and infectious laughter.

Margaret was my Scout leader who came to her position by the pleading of her nieces when their leader resigned. She became a greater part of my story through the years of adolescence, teens then young adult as she became friend and mentor. She always seemed lively and carefree although the facts I didn’t know probably told a different story of life; she had a serenity that carried her through. I thought of her as young, like a youthful aunt or older sister and was dumbfounded to find her older than my mother!

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I stared into the cool shell colors and remembered our last time together. I stood by her hospital bed, held her hand and spoke to her in the coma of her cancer stricken body of kindness, love and gratitude and her leaving, too young. Leaving me too young. I looked back amazed at my twenty-something self’s composure, grace and peace.

I’ve had the earrings repaired and I will wear them again and enjoy the small gift. The real gift, the great legacy of kindness and joy, of friendship and time spent together, had lived large in my memories through the years. And I always smile in gratitude.

Do you ever wonder what legacy you are building?