Tag Archives: faith

January energizing

When Bonnie, the Faith Barista, announced the prompt for this week – photo journaling – she linked back to a post on Whitespace: a photo journal. I need this getting away, this time in nature, in quiet. But it has been so very cold. This past Tuesday, it was “warm” so I drove to the reservoir. A few minutes in the roaring wind and I retreated.

I sat a while and watched the gulls and geese and enjoyed the beauty. The wind seemed to keep the gulls huddled on the snow. In “the one that got away”- I didn’t have my camera ready – all the gulls rose but could not fly into the wind and were forced back and down onto the snow. This time they kept low to the water and made a turn back to the road. Someone had stopped and was feeding the geese and gulls from their car.

And then I went home, feeling like I had not accomplished what my soul needed.

Thursday: But it did warm a bit and I wanted to go away and I wanted to stay at home. So I pulled on my boots, coat and mittens and walked out the door to my own back yard. The focus of the day in the devotional I am following was peace and the verse I was thinking about was from Luke 19.

Jesus was weeping over Jerusalem when He said, “…if you had known, even you, especially in this your day, the things that make for your peace…”

I stop on the step as a goldfinch lands on the feeder just a few feet away. He seems at peace with my presence as I pull the camera from my pocket and snap away while he busily feeds from his provision.

I walk slowly listening to the crunch of snow as I walk through the field. I stop to look at tree bark and seed stalks and the beauty of light and shadow and think of things that make for peace in life.

And the things that steal peace till I wander around in confusion.

I keep crunching along among deer tracks and rabbit trails and other critters trails too, caught up in the beauty of glittering snow and grateful for whitespace in my own back yard!

A story of Christmas old and yet to come

A tale told by tree light and candle glow

Somewhere I came across the thought that life is a play and we come onto the stage not knowing what has gone before or who the other players are and we are left to improvise our way into the story. It does seem like that, doesn’t it?

Recently I began reading Becoming Myself. Stasi Eldredge writes, “As a woman, your mother is your most potent role model. How she felt, what she thought, and what she believed had a direct effect on you… including… how happy [you] can be…”

I’ve written before that Christmas in our house was full of happy – gifts, family, food, Mama baking, cleaning, shopping, card writing, decorating… all these wonderful things I learned. But there was also Mama crying which left me full of sad and empty too. And I learned Christmas came with tear stains. It was many years before I heard a little part of her story and gained understanding which did clear some of the mist of Christmas Past that swirled around the holiday, but I had long since learned tears and sadness. My emotions at Christmas became a hazard to me; carols and songs carried the threat of sobs hidden among the lyrics like sad, malevolent goblins just waiting to overwhelm me. Knowledge and prayer brought a slow healing from those learned emotions.

A few days before Christmas I was busy baking cookies and Bing Crosby crooned “I’ll be home for Christmas” into my kitchen space. Like many other families, we have a number in ours who come for Christmas to this place of their birth, ‘only in their dreams’. And I thought of them as I slipped the pan into the oven. Then, as I waited on the oven timer, I was transported back into a dream I had a while ago.

Sometimes my dreams seem like full-length movies. There is no time or space in the world of dream and this one was beyond place as well as I dreamed of William. William, whose absence became presence in my life every Christmas season. William, an older brother who became known to me only in this dream I share now.

Frail and weary, William was carried by his dear friend and comrade from the battles. William felt heart-sick, having failed to overcome in the war. His friend comforted him, offering love and strength but he could hardly receive. His friend had some understanding; he had carried battle worn small ones home before, home to the loving embrace of their Father. Each tiny spirit reacted differently to the journey and he was concerned for William, so small and listless. He pressed the tiny one closer as the journey ended and carried him into the Glory.

William felt the change but could not seem to turn to its embrace. And then he heard, “William, dear son, welcome home! I am so proud of you. Well done!” William blinked and looked timidly into Eternal Love. “But, I failed to be born. I failed my mission to live earth life. I failed… “

“Dear William, you did not fail Me. You were brave and fought valiantly in your battles. You lived nine months in your mother’s womb. She and your earth father and your brother and sister loved you as they could and you will never be forgotten. My dear little child… “, welcomed Eternal Love. And William smiled into the radiance of his heavenly Father. He snuggled, resting in Love, growing stronger; aware of Father giving instructions to his comrade. His dear angel friend gathered William into his arms and bore him off to the chambers prepared for him where he would grow.

William came from the Glory and returned there December 23, 1942

As the dream memory passed, I thought, Oh! “I’ll be Home for Christmas” is actually my song and William waits for me to come home for Christmas! And in that moment, my simple kitchen became a ‘thin place’ and it was as if I could see through the veil and a robust and glowing man leaned through the portal, grinning – “You’ve got it, Sis! There’s no place like HOME for Christmas!”

And the timer sounded and the ordinary was all around and I felt my smile and a few gentle tears too as I blew a kiss. I’ll be home for Christmas one day, William, and I know it will be far better than snow and mistletoe and holly!

This piece may not fit your theology or thoughts on dreams and visions and that’s ok. Even if it was only imagination, I believe the Lord Jesus has continued the healing process in my soul through it all and I am grateful.

The Lord used Pastor Jack Hayford’s I‘ll Hold You in Heaven – Healing and Hope for the Parent Who has Lost a Child through Miscarriage, Stillbirth, Abortion or Early Infant Death to do just that for my Mom. I offer this as a resource which could be a blessing to others like her who carry this pain of a lost child.

From Psalm 139 RSV – For it was you who formed my inward parts; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.(vs 13) Your eyes beheld my unformed substance, in your book were written all the days that were formed for me, when none of them as yet existed. (vs16)

Advent Gift

When I was 9, I left my local parish school. That fall I entered the thick grey walls of a girls’ school, a long streetcar ride from home. The halls that threaded the school where normally filled with the muted trampings of rubber soles and the rustling of black habits and long rosary beads. Those first months I felt the walls had eyes and ears that peered into my soul, weighed me and found me lacking in grace and whatever other qualities where expected in a student there. And I shrank into my introverted shell.

Then came late November and a gift was dropped into my soul. All the elementary students gathered at the beginning of the day in a strange wide place filled with windows in an otherwise enclosed hallway. The windows stretched from steamy radiators almost to the high ceilings. I remember that Monday filling the space with grey early light. There was a surprise as the heavy scent of Christmas hung in the air as we pressed in to be close to the large wreath of fresh greens somehow suspended above us. As a candle was lit, those several hundred voices sang out, “O come, O come, Emmanuel and ransom captive Israel…” I don’t know if I understood the words but enclosed in the sound was mystery and comfort.

I’ve sung and heard this hymn sung every year since and when I hug it close and let myself return to that dark place, I hear the echo of those voices down through time and touch again the mystery and the comfort.

I believe that God Himself touched that lonely little girl with His presence and began a game of hide and seek with her. It would take many years but again in real time He would touch my soul with the mystery, wonder, and comfort of His presence and I would know His name – Emmanuel – God with us – God with me.

Ann Voskamp is sharing about Advent wreaths, Jesse trees and keeping Advent. Ann has such insight and grace to touch mystery and wonder; you might enjoy a visit with her at the farm.

Spring Cleaning

Cleaning e-files, I found a devotional piece I wrote several years ago; just on the day I needed it!

The flowers appear on the earth; the time of singing has come, and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land Song of Solomon 2:12 NKJV

The rising temperatures of spring bring bird song and light, changing the view to fresh green and bright color. Spring is a gift that lightens the spirit, lights the days and stirs us to brighten the world around us.

When I was very young, there was a great flurry of activity each spring. Windows were thrown open, rooms aired and cleaned. Draperies were changed, walls were washed and sometimes freshly painted, carpets were changed out and floors had the wax renewed. Everyone was energized, everything seemed light and fresh. Then finally the freshening of wardrobes with things outgrown discarded.

Housekeeping customs have changed in many ways and I am grateful! But there is still that inner stirring, a nesting instinct, to clean, clean out, throw open the windows and to make things fresh: in home, garden and wardrobe.

But while working on home and garden, I think about the need for an interior cleaning of a different kind. I find some dusty, actually rather grim and dirty attitudes lurking in corners of my soul; petty things that had loomed so large in the shadowy light of winter gloom. Now seen in the light, I find no use for them. It is time to really lighten up, cast off negative attitudes and sing a new song.

And I find myself praying – Lord, shine the light of Your Word into every corner of my soul. Help me to let go of old ideas and weed out grimy thoughts. Please do the necessary repairs on my weariness that I might have freshness. Blow through my attitudes changing and renewing my mind. Let me hear the singing birds and please, clean even my glasses that I might see beauty in the more colorful folks around me. Amen!

Some things don’t change and spring cleaning is still needed in me as well as around me. I’ll be pretty busy this spring!

I am a dreamer…

…daydreams, night time dreams. Daydreams can keep reality in check with chores undone, lessons unlearned and thoughts unchecked sometimes giants are slain and beauty grown. Night dreams can be veiled curious and strange or movie theater clear.

A while ago I had a dream. I was walking up a circular staircase carrying a box. The staircase reminded me of the steep, narrow steps in a lighthouse with windows high in the walls. In the dream I seemed to be talking with someone behind me about painting the walls when suddenly I was stuck. The passageway had become too narrow and that narrowing prevented me from even turning in retreat.

Eventually I think to ask the one behind me for advice and the knowing came to slide the box down onto the step before me where it just fits. Another question to my companion – step on it or attempt to step over it? And I know to step up on the box of past and use it to go farther up the stairs. And in my dreaming, I do. And everything is brighter.

Dreams instruct and I look inside to see what should be in the box and left behind so that I can climb up a step or three into a brighter place.

Saying grace today

Yesterday I posted about my lingering lunch with a good book in a sunny window and my decision for a leisurely drive home by the lake.

Today’s news recounts police action, a multi vehicle crash, injuries and a fatality in the time, on the road, and in the space I would have travelled had I taken the direct route.

I sit and tremble in awe and gratitude for life and safety.